What is a defining moment in your life?

There have been many defining moments in my life, but what really fights for my attention today is the day I realized that I am capable of forgiving and setting myself free. 

Trey's dad, my ex-husband, goodness how I hate that term, showed up at my work yesterday.  His life is in shambles.  He lost not only his job but also his peace officer's license.  A peace officer's license is what is required to work in any aspect of law enforcement.  He is 31 years old and he just found out he will never be able to have the career he so coveted again.  I was in shock.  Though I thought it could possibly happen, I never thought it actually would happen, Kenny seems to lead a charmed life.  I have to admit that a part of me felt just a tad bit of satisfaction at this news.  After all the hurt and grief he has put me through, I couldn't help but think, "What goes around comes around."  A bigger part of me did sympathize though.  I really did feel sorry for him.  His whole life has revolved around being a police officer.  He even chose to go to the police academy rather than going to college.  He is clearly unemployable for a good paying job.  Just as I was empathizing with him, my son Trey says, "You now what Mom?  Dad and Stephanie are buying a new house!"  Oh, out of the mouths of babes.  My sympathy dissipated and I got angry.  Oh, forget that, I got MAD.  Then I just stood there a moment looking at Trey and I realized that I was mad because I felt Kenny's punishment wasn't good enough.  I wanted Kenny to be punished for the wrong I felt he had committed against me.  What I was perceiving as his punishment really had nothing to do with me or our divorce; this was about Kenny and his career.  At that moment, I did something that I hadn't done in three years.  I let it go.  I just let it go.  As my "ex-husband" he doesn't matter any more.  Though I live with the consequences of the divorce I hold no blame, no accountability in God's eyes.  I am free.  And at that moment I thought, "I forgive him.  I don't need to see him punished for what he did to me.  I am blameless and I am free.  He will never be free."  I saw Kenny as a man who is no longer connected to me.  I saw myself as a woman, free and facing life for the first time in a long time.  And I was truly happy for Trey to be getting a new home to stay in when he is with his dad.   

Wonder about saying, " Though I thought it could possibly happen, I never thought it would actually happen."  Kenny seemed to live a charmed life, . . . I think it's powerful to put those two thoughts together.

The sentence that begins, "Then I just stood there a moment looking at Trey and I realized that I was made because I felt Kenny's punishment wasn't good enough, and what I was perceiving as his punishment for the wrong I felt he had commited against me really had nothing to do with me."  This is kind of long and confusing to me.

I'm glad your free.